Day 7: Can you watch this without sexualizing my body?

Day 7: Spontaneous Practice Segment

Music: Don't you touch me by Soko

This is not an invitation. My intention is not to turn you on. My intention is to clearly say... I do not exist for anyone else. Love is a verb not a noun. I am love. You cannot own me or anyone else. My spirit is free. My heart is free. My body is free. None of this shell should determine how you treat me. None of this defines me. I love you because I can from within freely. I don't expect anything from you. I hope for the same respect in return. 

Reaction:

Music: Within four walls playlist from Sound Cloud

Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this journey!  

Day 6: Speaking of truth

A year and some ago, I participated in One Billion Rising Oakland. As I was feeling liberated and empowered sharing and dancing with the courageous survivors around me I looked to my partner and realized I was still suffering. After all I've already been through rape, assault, sexual abuse, incest, I found myself living another kind of trauma. Everything looked perfect on the outside and all the dirty secrets were kept buried deep inside a marriage of lies, control, and manipulation.  I was losing myself... I was becoming unrecognizable... 

http://www.onebillionrising.org/about/campaign/

Day 6: Spontaneous Practice Segment
Music: the sound of silence

... moving in truth.

Day 5: 2012 Report on Intimate Partner Violence in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and HIV-Affected Communities in the U.S.

Abuse takes on all forms and appears everywhere... we must be willing to discuss it if we wish to make true sustainable changes in our society. We must see each and every human being as equal and deserving of the same respect so that we can live this truth intimately and publicly.

2012 Report on Intimate Partner Violence in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual,  Transgender, Queer and HIV-Affected Communities in the U.S. 

http://www.avp.org/storage/documents/ncavp_2012_ipvreportmediarelease.pdf

Day 5: Spontaneous Practice Segment (click this link to see the video... HD version pending - maybe) (the file was too large for Blogger - sorry!)

Music: Pursuit of Happiness - Kid Cudi

(This is just a picture... click the link above please for video)

I keep thinking about why I am doing this and the importance of community. We need to raise awareness, why are we so afraid to share our truth?

I'm feeling stronger. I'm noticing possibilities for movement in ways I have not explored before.

I gave myself a re-do or two today and the courage to share. This segment of practice is more of a reclamation of the song from Day 2. Since I've been discussing compassion I think it would be wise to show some for myself (wink, wink). I was feeling so very sassy and gay. Yes, that's right... I just *winked* at you and I hope you've felt compassion today too. 

Only two more days, I'm thrilled to have made it this far. Oh, and this is the first time I have played and danced with a hat with any sort of intention.  A little shout out to Lauren, thanks for leaving the hat out!

Day 4: No one deserves to suffer and no one has the right to make someone else suffer.

Abusers trap us, they isolate us, convince us that we are crazy, wrong, impossibly flawed...  No one deserves to suffer and no one has the right to make someone else suffer.   You can reach out to a family member, a friend, even a stranger or a local organization. Our communities offer support and sanctuary... Abuse can leave scars and bruises both visible and invisible that can last a lifetime. Healing is a process that begins from within but sometimes we need external support and motivation and that is okay too. 

Day 4: Spontaneous Practice Segment (HD link pending)

Music: Useless - The Kruder + Dorfmeister Session Remix by Depeche Mode

I have noticed a heightened sense of embodiment that has progressed through each practice. As I move, I feel as though I am letting go of what no longer serves me while reaffirming that it is in my body that I belong. I have struggled with preoccupations and forgotten memories and had to stop at one point today, lie still, and focus on my breath mid-practice. Then I picked up the levi wand in keeping with exploring something new and changing some element of my movement practice when I feel stuck. This was the first song of that segment of my practice today. This has become so much more than I imagined as the complex intricacy of my relationship to my body and the history it contains unfolds. 

Day 3: Break The Cycle

If you are in an emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive relationship, the most compassionate action you can take for yourself and everyone else and indeed the only action is to leave. If this is your reality, you can do it. I did. 

Day 2: Spontaneous Practice Segment (click the link here for higher quality video)

Music: Dream On (Dave Clarke Remix) by Depeche Mode

Reaction: To be honest, my body is sore and I'm tired. If yesterday I began pushing through an emotional wall, today I began pushing through a physical one. I am questioning whether this is all dull and unintriguing to anyone but me.  Then I'm grateful for what my body is capable of. Actually, I am grateful for what I am capable of.  All I wanted to do today was spin.

Day 2: "Art is the healthiest form of projection."

I am motivated to move and dance because I find it impossible not to feel, to act, and words never seem sufficient for my experience. As Fritz Perls said: "Art is the healthiest form of projection."

I "speak" with my body because I am a feeling person and this is my outlet. I'm dancing because I'm am troubled and grieving ... and I don't know what else to do. It has always been this way for me. In a world that objectifies me and treats me like a commodity speaking with my body has always been a challenge. It has always felt like I am spilling secrets but no one is listening because they are too busy watching the package that is my body without listening to the words. 

Day 2: Spontaneous Practice Segment  (click the link here for higher quality video)

Music: Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi

... I've been thinking of adding a post practice reaction. Possibly, as a video blog but I'm shy about speaking on camera. I feel like I take on an affect. I want this to be as authentic as possible and I already feel vulnerable and nervous. The first 24hrs were very challenging. I've been struggling with a lot of self criticism and doubt. It has been scary to share EVERYTHING but it's getting easier... 

Day 1: I learned there was recently a rape for a rape as punishment in India...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/11/india-rape-village-council_n_5577361.html 
Reading this triggered me like a crystal prism hanging by the window hit with the first light of morning.

This is the first part of a 7 day experiment in healing through my dance practice. 

How do we survive our experience? How do we thrive? The suffering of the world combined with our own is so overwhelming, it is easy to run away from it, to push it away, to ignore it... but the truth is it exists and we are all suffering because of it. Often our suffering in turn becomes the root of our wrong doing... Violations happen every moment but we are capable of the change we need in the world. We are the compassion, love, forgiveness, and the victims and abusers. Wrong doing is a lesson we must learn from, we cannot keep turning away. How do we process this? Here begins my 7 days of healing through dance so that I might be the change I wish to see in the world and so that I might overcome the trauma of abuse. 

Day 1: Spontaneous Practice Segment 
Music: Blood by The Middle East